Brokenness.

Today, i saw Jason Lau's name in the papers. I was ________ (fill in emotion). He got the prestigious SAFOS and he's gonna do sociology at God-knows-which-ivyleague-university. After 4 years he will return with 3 bars on his shoulders to fly that metal bird. Another 4 years and I will watch him fly his plane over my head while i sing <5-stars-arising>. After another 10 years he will decide how much I get for my CPF payouts. No wonder; he was afterall, the RJC SC President. Compare and Contrast? I was overwhelmed with _________.

I can just imagine where the other SC Presidents are headed. And I still remember how we all met at such a exclusive event. We were supposed to be the elites. The privileged ones. A league much envied. The leaders of tomorrow. But unfortunately, leaders need their As too.

Look at them, look at me. I could have been one of them. I SHOULD have been one of them. I am SUPPOSED to be one of them. But I am ___________ (fill in adjective). Where do I fit in? I can't help but feel __________ (fill in emotion). Why the disparity? What are people whom I once aquainted with doing, and where am I now (still)? I feel like a __________ (fill in noun). What have I done with what was entrusted to me? Maybe it really should have been someone else.

I tell myself: "Someday, I will rise from the rubble, and it will be my turn". But will it really?

How did I let it happen? What can I do now? Where is my motivation?

 

I know this has been an extremely attention-deficient kinda post. But trust me when I say I do not require your sympathy nor your superficial encouragements. I know I will find my way out of this, but I just need to let it out for awhile.

Hopefully this time next year i will look back here and laugh at my foolishness...

 

Just don't EVER say: "I know how you feel".